re-entry

post Starwood.
Bored, homesick, lonely, heartbroked, HUGE case of wanderlust....just want to get back in the car and drive far away. Seems very unfair that we don't have interstellar travel yet. I'd jump the next firefly and zoom off into the black.
I can't even bury myself into my life again for a few weeks as I'm still at my moms in CT. Austin is still another re-entry I'll have to deal with. Trying to remain "awake" but am here....remembering all the reasons I left to live so far away.
I like being the witness. Every year I witness.
This year I get to witness my best friend of 30 years with a newborn baby. I get to see just how much that one decision changes EVERYTHING for her. I don't (yet I do) envy her.
I also get to witness a friend change his life and end his years in a band that is going nowhere. I get to see him be excited to embark on a solo career...nifty. Hope I can help him out somehow.
Austin would be a good place for him.
I got to reconnect with a friend whom I'd lost touch with for 4 years. That is kinda cool.
Got to see the ugly underbelly of a couple of friends (siblings) and gain a less favorable perspective about how some people operate.
Everyone is so busy with their shiza here i really don't have anyone to "play" with. I may just end up going to a bar next week and try to meet some local flavor. Wish i packed some suburban camoflage to fit in with the natives. I don't even own beige pants.
oh well. the coffee mug is empty. that isn't pessimism...that is fact.
captains log 8.3.07 signing off.

the 11:49am addendum.
amplify the saddness? are you sure she can handle it captain?
we'll surely see. I sure can pick them.
Lovely heart and mind met viking....i feel as if i'm watching him stand on a shore where i can't dock my ship. I shouldn't have given all those life boats away over the years. The water is filled with bellydancing sharks....safer to pull up anchor. Gladness in my heart for knowing that Tru is true. Sadness in my heart for knowing pain, my own and having caused some to another. I assure you this was not my intention. I wish i was a vixen, a lout, a woman of loser morals. He wouldn't have stood a chance. Alas.... I am Tru. My spirit flickers like a candle guttering from the splash of tears....yet remains alight. Another ghost in my head. This one still real, corporeal, made of meat.....resigned to amble about with my small legion of nobel men who stalk the rooms of my head giving me tasks and inspiration to stave off the insanity.
Now i'll have to learn to build my own dome.
I did say "i look forward to being a part of your future" - didn't I? I knew even then that i wasn't speaking of soon. Perhaps he and I will walk a path many years from now- but the most I will hope for is to remain friends of the heart and hearth.
captain....i don't think i can hold her together much longer!
signing off...stardate 8.3.07